I opened the door,
making a creak as I stepped inside. The coldness in the mansion sent a shiver
down my spine. Dusty old newspapers and artefacts surrounded the old vast
mansion. There it was the same dejected mystery box that lay on the floor,
untouched. I reached towards it, questioning whether to open it or not. Shaking
like a leaf, I had made my mind up…but when I lifted the lid… I fell into the
box. “NO!” I screamed. Darkness surrounded me. Down, down I finally reached the bottom with a loud
THUD. Out of nowhere there was a loud growl. “I’ve been expecting you.”
By Leah Yr6
Amazing story, Leah. I really like the part when she hears the loud grow.
ReplyDeleteWriting in the first person made the story feel very immediate, as if I was there. Good story, Leah.
ReplyDeleteHi Leah - what a fabulous 100wc! Truly excellent writing! I'm trying to wrack my brains to make a suggestion for an improvement, but it's proving to be rather tricky! The only thing I could spot is a little missing punctuation in the forth sentence - pop a colon in there to introduce the second part of the sentence: 'There it was: the same...'
ReplyDeleteExcellent writing!
Mr K (Team 100wc)